The Family Dinner

So last night, my family decided to hit up RTC for some fine dining at Uncle Julio's.

With mints like these, it has to be a pretty classy joint.

It's this big, loud, obnoxious Mexican place that I'd walked past thousands of times but never set foot in, for some reason. Tonight, I learned the reason it that it's a big, loud, obnoxious Mexican place.

The real trouble started when the margaritas arrived. Seeing the value in being a cultured, educated individual, I asked my mom how exactly margaritas were made.

Me: Mom, how do you make a margarita??

Mom: Tequila.

Then she started explaining the whole history of tequila, including the traditional method of taking tequila shots. Apparently, you put salt on your wrist, lick it off, take the shot, and stick a lime in your mouth. Although at first this appeared to be a tradition only at Kutztown University frat houses, this is actually a real thing, at least as far as the internet is concerned.

So my sister gets bored. Dad takes all the sugar packets out of the packet holder thingie and starts a competition to see who can build the tallest tower. At first, it appears to be a creative way to cheer up my sister and keep the dinner happy. Then he starts winning.

I should mention that we're all yelling at the top of our lungs.

Food comes. This tends to calm things down, as we can't really scream at each other with food in our mouths. Life becomes simpler, a matter of guac and pico, homemade tortillas. It's nice. Then my sister starts giggling.

Sister: Stick your hand under the table, Dad. Feel this.

Dad: Ew! Gross!

At this point, she turns to me and repeats her demand. I tell her she's nuts. Something disguising is rubbed against my leg. I politely inform my sister that she is a horrible child.

Sister: At least I use deodorant.

Me: At least I don't pee in the swimming pool.

Sister: You know I pee in the hot tub, right?

My jaw drops. That hot tub is my favorite reading spot in the whole house. I spend hours in there. Dad rushes to inform me that pee isn't bad for you, just full of chemicals like ammonia and uric acid. That's when I loose it.

Me: There's no uric acid in human pee! That's urea, dad. Sheesh, you're paying enough for my college education, I should at least be able to tell the difference.

Pictured: a place my family is no longer permitted.

 Dad: Jeez, you don't need to know all this biology stuff. We all know you're going to be a policy lawyer.

Me: Dad, if I'm going to work in Washington, it'll help to know something about crap.

Sister: Haven't you learned enough from your dates?

Oh, yeah, and we're all YELLING at the top of our LUNGS.

So now, three fajitas heavier and with three more reasons to wish I was an only child, I better hit the sac. After all, I've got to drain the hot tub tomorrow. And wash it out with bleach.