The Eight People You Meet In Your Dorm

There's nothing quite like moving into a dorm the first time. 

My home away from sanitary bathrooms. 

There's all these strange people you've never met and you're being forced to play all these dumb icebreaker games. But you've been there before. You did this in high school and at summer camp. You know that in about three days, these people will splinter into the same old roles and cliques. Here's a few. 

The Absent RA

The RA is supposed to support students, answer their questions, and help them get used to college life. Unfortunately  no one's seen him all semester. You glimpsed him at the Homecoming game sitting in a flock of Beta Phis and in the kitchen three weeks ago making pancakes on your tiny dorm stove, but he's really more of an idea than a school employee. He hasn't blown the whistle on the stoners who hang out in the lounge because he's feeding off their pot stashes. Lives in a frat and uses his room in the dorm to store extra clothing. 

The Stoners

They're the reason the lounge smells like pot. I don't have a very sensitive nose (I need my mom or Taylor to tell me when food's gone bad), so I can't really tell if they've been smoking or not. It doesn't really bother me, since I don't use the lounge in the first place, but they can be annoyingly loud sometimes and I can't really steal the brownies from the kitchen because I think they're been spiked. 

The Girlfriend/Boyfriend Combo Pack

This technically counts as one person, because they are together all the time. They sit in the hallway where you can't help but step over them every time you want to use the bathroom. They are joined at the hip in a way that most Siamese twins can't achieve, and spend enough time kissing that they not only share diseases, but long stretches of their DNA. The Boyfriend doesn't even care that the Girlfriend has been brushing her teeth with a Q-tip for the past week and a half. Answers to a single name, like 'Janica', and are never seen alone. If they break up, you can expect to hear two people crying in the hallway every night for a month. Loudly. 

The Roommate of the Girlfriend/Boyfriend Combo Pack

Despite the fact she lives with the Human Centipede, she seems oddly nonplussed  If you peek in her room, you'll find her typing away on her English paper while the Girlfriend/Boyfriend Combo Pack spoons in bed. You'll see this over and over, and eventually you start to wonder if she's actually okay with it, is too polite to say anything, or just kind of . . . likes it.

The Starcraft Nerd

You don't see much of him. He's usually in his room, but he will come out of his den to eat and attend classes. He brings his computer (usually an expensive one) everywhere he goes. And he will always be playing Starcraft. The only time he isn't playing Starcraft is when he's studying. Always an engineering student and almost always a male Asian, the Starcraft Nerd rarely speaks to people in person. Despite this fact, he's a member of the Starcraft club and spends every weekend hanging out with friends, so in a way he's much more social than you are.

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The Hipster With The Dumb Tattoo

Like this, plus stupid tattoos

According to the other architecture majors, she really regrets it. Who on earth would regret getting quotation marks tattooed on their wrists? This California chick has a really dumb name and has a big Bob Marley poster hanging on her wall. She's the only one in our suite with a printer and I'd rather walk down to the community center than use hers and actually have to spend time in her room. She and her friends get together and never ever shut up. If someone says something ironic, I bet she'll hold up her wrists and everyone will laugh. At her. Also, she has several nose piercings.

The Sorority Girls

In their matching knee-length coats, expensive scarves, and eyeliner, these college students are notorious both for their pack-hunting behavior and their high-pitched roars. It's not unusual to see a herd of twenty or more hanging out in the lobby of the community center. They posses high tolerance for inclement weather, as they'll walk out in 20 degree weather without any pants on. The only tee-shirts they wear are ones with Greek letters on them. White, Asian, or black, they all look the same. Possibly, it's because they're all sisters.

The Naked Person

There's nothing offensive about this! Honest!

Some people just don't like to wear clothing. You know what? That's okay. We're all born naked. We all shower naked. The human body is a beautiful, organic form. Perfect the way it is. Fat, thin, short, tall (as long as you don't have copious acne). Anyway, this is the one person in the dorm who isn't afraid of the human form. They rarely wear a shirt and have no problem with sitting nude in their dorm room when nobody else is there. This is why it's important everybody knocks before entering the room. If you knock, this person will generally be more than happy to put on a shirt. Just knock. Please.
Less benign forms include the girl currently standing in the kitchen, making hot cocoa without any pants on. Her mug is shaped like a naked female torso.